Hello Possums it's Sarah here. I just spent the last hour blogging, and some how we have lost it all! We are on type pad now, which is meant to be fabulous, but no spell check…. I fail to see the value. So let me apologize in advance for the spelling, and ask you to be gracious and concentrate on content instead…. Any way it has been a long way between blogs, but here I am, full of opinions and observations, so where to start? Well, it has been a time of firsts for me, I have achieved lots of milestones, here they are….
I have driven on the right hand side of the road, in a left hand drive car! This is no small feat for me, especially when you think of the added bonus of trams and tram tracks!!!!I don’t like driving anyway, unless Bruce is doing the driving, and I just get to sit there and talk! But, I have done it, and here I am, alive to blog about it. You know when you’re driving along a road in a straight line and the cars on the side streets have stop signs that tell them to give way? Those signs seem to be distinctly absent here. Quite scary really, it causes me to drive at 20 miles an hour; I don’t see a problem with this, though it definitely bothers some of the Czech drivers. Apparently I have also become a curb hugger , so Bruce informs me. I won’t dispute this, as I myself have noticed that people in the passenger seat do tend to lean to the left when I’m driving.
The second thing is the kid’s education, I have really struggled with this, I have keenly felt my lack of education, and felt, ‘Who am I to try this?” But you know what? I’m really good at it!!!! I am ordered, and excited and really enjoying helping the kids to learn. I am particularly good at language, and we are having lots of fun. I must say straight away, that the Australian Schools for Isolated and Distance Education is amazing, so well thought out, easy to follow, and the follow up from the teachers is fantastic. You know, I think I can do this.
So what else? Well, yesterday we went to Germany, Dresden actually. I had to leave the country before my three months were up. It’s only about two hours away. Isn’t that funny, if I drove two hours in Australia I’d only make Bunbury, here, I need to take my passport. Anyway, God gave us a beautiful day. As we drove towards the border we felt a lifting. A spiritual thing defiantly. It was the start of a wonderful day. Dresden is really pretty, it was bombed badly by the allies at the end of the war, and you can still see remnants of bombed out buildings, but there are still some really beautiful buildings. But more than that, the people were really lovely, and I could use my common sense to figure out what most of the signs said. I really enjoyed it. And we bought socks. Germany does good socks. Lovely warm socks.
Let me show you a couple of cute pictures from yesterday. The first one was in a shopping center, Oh let me tell you the pumpkin story first. When we decided to go to Dresden we really wanted it to be a blessing to everyone, so we made a list, and asked every single person in the house what they wanted from the trip, to make it special to them, luckily, most of the kids only wanted Burger king, and really, we could’ve driven over the border, driven to Burger King, and gone home again, and they would have been ecstatic, but any way, Debbie’s wish was to find a pumpkin, which we just cant find in Prague, and lets face it, what’s Thanksgiving without pumpkin pie? So, we are in this shopping center, let’s get a pumpkin! So there is Andrew, miles ahead of us all, on a mission from God, with this long line of Stuart/Jones’ running to keep sight of his hat, and there’s Bruce, at the very back, arms out stretched, gathering up the last stragglers, hurrying them along, and we had this “Spot the Apostle and spot the Pastor” moment!!!!!! It was so funny!
Then there was the picture of the “Zwinger Haus” this is a really pretty opera house, square shaped, really pretty, Bruce got left behind because he was talking to a lady that he met on the street, and he was engrossed in conversation, and Andrew was miles ahead, trying to give us the worlds fastest tour of Dresden, and Debbie and I were in the middle, enjoying the architecture. We look up, and Andrew has crossed this little cobble stone road, and he is being followed by eight little children, all in order of height, quite by accident. It was a gorgous sight. We are a big bunch.
While we were still in Dresden we got a call from our good friend Artie, who is another American living in Prague, It was an urgent call to inform us of the growing Turkey crisis in Prague. Apparently the only way to get Turkey in Prague is over the internet and this was the last day you could order. So we decided we had better get our Turkey before we left Germany, which we did on the way home. Another thing I should say is that most grocery places don’t supply bags to pack your shopping, so we had this humungous turkey sitting in the boot of the car, then half an hour later, going through the Czech border, the police decide to make us pull over as they want to see all the car paper work. We were expecting a car search, as that’s pretty routine, but we can’t stop laughing when we think about what they are going to find when they search the boot! It was funny!
Speaking of children’s education, when you come back into Czech Republic from Germany, you encounter the border towns, which are basically brothel towns. Nothing quite prepares you for the shock of seeing these neon shop windows and the young girls dancing there, semi-naked. The sheer amount of these places is shocking. A lot of these girls come over from Ukraine, to the promise of a better life, but get trapped into prostitution, or gypsy girls, drawn by the lack of opportunities offered to gypsies, and of course, drugs are another reason for the cycle. Anyway, it is a very sad sight, and we also had two twelve year old goggle eyed boys in the car with us, and a shocked Chelsea as well. It was a great chance to talk about the terrible situation and about Gods design for a sexual relationship between man and woman. It was a wonderful discussion, but Oh, what an education my babies are getting!!!!
Now I would like to ask you for some prayer, and comment, if you feel so inclined…
I have really felt for a long time that God has been really silent in my life, I have just struggled and struggled with being here and not liking it. Well, hating it really, and not knowing why, now I wonder if my strong desire to leave isn’t more than just my flesh wanting to leave, and more about Gods voice to me, and me just not recognizing it, and me allowing my own self contempt to assume that it’s my fault, and nothing else.
The thing is, that about 10 day ago, I actually said to Bruce, “I think I might be able to do this” We have settled into the house, we are coping really well in living in community, and I think I’m doing well with the schooling, then, there was a really strong feeling within the house that God was moving us on. This is not a new thought, this has been talked about before Bruce and I even got here, In fact I believe that Andrew and Debbie are moving slowly particually because of us. But it has become obvious to everyone that God is calling us elsewhere. But I’m a bit too busy freaking out at the thought of another change to actually consider the possibility!!!! In truth, I feel I have reached my limit with change. But when I felt this lifting yesterday I realized that I don’t have to feel like this, that this feeling may be the language that God is using to tell me that he wants me to move. Last week Bruce and I came to the conclusion that we must move, and we told Andrew and Debbie, that yes, lets give our notice to the land Lord, but I was really doing it based on the fact that I trusted Andrew and Debbie, and Bruce, who totally agreed with them, but I had no peace myself, in fact I felt nauseated at the thought.
I’m also mindful of not thinking that just because I had a nice time in Dresden means I should run away from Prague, but, and hold on to your hats, when we got back home last night, I went to sleep fine, but at 4.30 in the morning, I felt a terrible anxiety come over me, and I spent the rest of the night worrying about everything. Every foolish thing I’ve ever said and every stupid thing I’ve ever done. It is very destroying, and happens to me every single night. Last night I felt it land on me.
My observations of Prague are interesting also. I believe that the people of Czech Republic have been dominated for so long and in such brutal ways that they really don’t know leadership in any other form. I think that they have a lot of rage, and that it comes out in really ugly ways. I think when that when they find themselves in a position of power over anyone, they use that power in illegitimate ways. Hence the terrible way the landlord continues to treat us, but also in the way they treat women. And I think that if they don’t find relief in that, they use shame. They are very good at shame. Shame is something that has haunted me all my life, and I find myself dealing with it day in and day out.
So I find my feelings are ambivalent, and would love some prayer.
By the way, Mum, because I know you are reading this, the kids are all fine, happy happy happy. It is on average about 4 degrees, and very misty. The kids are wrapped up like Michelin men when we go out. Chelsea has knitted herself a really lovely scarf, and I knitted Beau a pom pom hat. Andrew is teaching Chelsea how to cook, and she makes the dough for our pizza parties every Friday night, she melts the yeast in water and every thing!
Bye for now, and thanks for listening, Love Sarah
Hi sarah thank you for sharing. Your experiences make vivid reading who knows maybe one day you will write a book too. It is a privelige and pleasure to share your lives and certainly in my world of one day at a time at the moment helps.
Tanya
Posted by: tanya | Thursday, November 27, 2003 at 05:42 PM
hi sara,
good to hear what you lot have been up to - hopefully will meet up with you all again sometime soon, no doubt in another european city...
bea's knitting is coming along well too.
thanks for writing,
andy
Posted by: andy | Wednesday, November 26, 2003 at 11:23 PM
sarah and bruce! we love you guys! and wish you and the jones family a very wonderful thanksgiving! glad you found both the pumpkin and the turkey on your journey. we do and we will continue to pray for peace and wisdom for you and your future plans...one day at a time is soooo hard for me! learning each day how to release my control into HIS hands..but i am not very good at it! the lewin clan is heading to kentucky for turkey day...we are going to visit asbury seminary and dr.george hunter who heads up the school of world mission there. we are thinking more and more about what is next for us...it feels like we are in those last few weeks of pregnancy when it is so uncomfortable and you feel like the birth will never happen! it will be interesting to see what the next year brings to all of us! mac and hudson say hello ...they are still pricing flights to prague and hope to visit you some day soon...love to you! Lilly
Posted by: lillylewin | Wednesday, November 26, 2003 at 11:20 AM
hi sarah, have not ever properly spoken to you, but i do really enjoy your posts. to be honest, it is rare that i can bother to read a blog post more than a hundred words, but your thoughts are captivating and make me excited about what God is doing in all your lives!
have a fantastic day.
Posted by: neill (in sheffield) | Monday, November 24, 2003 at 04:31 PM
hi sass. yeah, culture shock, change overload, experiencing the re-cycles of our own fallenness, experiencing the reactions from another country's unredeemed trauma ... it can be overwhelming, no matter how young/old we are in age or in the Lord! praying God will continue unfolding His pathway of peace in the midst of the intensity. // p.s.1. thanx for the laugh about the turkey - have a great thanksgiving! // p.s.2. great photos!
Posted by: brad | Sunday, November 23, 2003 at 10:15 PM
dear heather and scotty, thanks very much for your encouragment and promice of prayer. you never know when your going to blog whether or not your going to encourage someone or whether it's just for yourself. i'm glad that you get me. love sarah.
Posted by: Sarah | Sunday, November 23, 2003 at 05:12 PM
Peace to you Sarah. You inspire us.
Posted by: scotty | Sunday, November 23, 2003 at 10:40 AM
Hey girl, I'm not too sure what to say but I'll just let it come as it goes. I guess I would first say that I feel your sincerity (sp?) and your worries, and I may be wrong about this, but even some loneliness. The worries can drag you down deeper and deeper. Prayer is always necessity, and I will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers. The anxiety can be over whelming. I still get times where I get so wrapped up in it that I can barely breathe. One thing I hope you realize though is that you are brave. You all have placed your lives specifically in Gods hands and that takes a lot. I'm still trying to get myself to that place. Please know this: We love you all so much and will keep you in our hearts. Also I think its ABSOLUTLY WONDERFUL of how much fun you are having with teaching your children!
Posted by: Heather | Sunday, November 23, 2003 at 10:00 AM